2 years ago, well 2 1/2 years ago now, I gave notice to my company of 10 years that I was moving to Portland, OR. I had spent 2 weeks in Ohio as an already planned trip, and was able to wrap up a lot of loose ends while there.
On my last night in town, my work friends and I decided to go out to our favorite hangout and celebrate my pending resignation. B and I had talked through a social app, but I never really give those conversations much thought because I was in and out so often.. nothing ever stuck. The first week I was in town, I think we started talking literally my first night there, and I was in a hotel. I was so jet lagged, no plans worked out. He talked me through the impending doom that was telling my family about the job, and was my ear when I needed one. ANYWAY, he came out my last night in town after he got off of work.
When he walked in the bar, my heart did the pidder padder thing that I hadn't felt in years. He grabbed a beer, and came up to my friends and just fit in with everyone. One by one everyone started to drop out, as everyone else had to get up the next day.. i just had to catch a flight, so I stuck around. B and I ended up staying out until at least 3 AM. We may have made out in the parking lot until that time (the bar closed down), and then we both made our separate ways home.
I got back to Rachel's, and packed my suitcase so I wouldn't have to worry about it in the morning and crawled into bed. My flight was at 9 AM or so, and I overslept. Rachel had to wake me up, and while I rushed around and gave her the short story (IMETSOMEONEANDITWASMYLASTNIGHTINTOWN is probably how it sounded to her.. lol), and then made my way to the airport.
As I typically had a layover in Atlanta, I started feeling crappy in between flights. Obviously, I had been up super late the night before.. and it was January in Ohio. It was probably 20 degrees outside. Maybe 30. When I got back to Jacksonville, I texted B to let him know I made it and commented that I didn't feel well and hoped he didn't have anything come around because of it.. to which he said he didn't feel the greatest either. It became an inside joke.. and then I eventually learned that he was already sick. Thanks, dude. :) I guess it was worth it!
At any rate, I got to work packing up my Florida apartment (that I had lived in for 3 months.. Fortunately, I traveled a lot, so not much was unpacked other than my kitchen). The day my movers came, I was a wreck. He talked about driving down to hang out with me until it was "go" time, but we decided that the money he would spend on that trip, he could put it to the side for a trip to Portland, OR.
We talked off and on over the next year.. both of us entering and exiting dating others.. and then he started talking about flying out to Portland again. At first it was going to be for New Years, but he could only stay for 2-3 days.. and flying across the country wouldn't be worth that. So he kept watching flights and it was finally established (ironically on our year "anniversary" of when we first met), that he was coming to visit me the week after valentines day.
The week before he came, I moved into my new apartment. It was sidelined for 3 days because of a snow storm that shut down the city of Portland, and I got super ancy that the weather wouldn't be good while he was here. I had my work's gala the weekend before and it was rainy, and yeah.. I was panicking!
He showed up on a Wednesday and we hugged for what seemed like forever at the airport. We left there and explored for much of the rest of the day and passed out by 8 PM.. maybe 9. Both awake super early the next day, we were off to Seattle for the day, since it was going to be rainy in Portland, and sunny and nice there. We met up with one of his college friends and explored the city.. getting back to Portland at 4 AM. The next day, we stuck around Portland, taking the Max around, and went to the coast the following day. Our last day together.. we were working on a puzzle (ha - i know. we're old) at my table, and my kitten comes disney cat leaping out of the bathroom with pellets of water springing off of her. I had thrown a load of laundry in and thought maybe I kept the lid up and she fell in... nope. Something broke and my bathroom was flooded. My other cat was in the furthest corner on my counter trying to hide and I grabbed her and brought her out... while I called maintenance, he worked on cleaning up the water.
When I dropped him off at the airport that night, I couldn't even watch him go through security.. I started crying the minute that he gave them his ticket and ID.. and I lost it all the way back to the car.
Since that time, I've made two trips back home to see him. The last trip was weird and felt off... like we weren't as connected as we have been. I have a sneaking suspicion that he may be seeing someone else. I can't complain nor say much. We aren't together. We are separated by 2000+ miles currently and it's not realistic to think that we can make this work.. though I would certainly try.
I don't trust people very often. When I date guys, I have walls upon walls built up, which often pushes them away. B has managed to burst through all walls.. which scares the hell out of me.
Sigh.
No comments:
Post a Comment