A new direction!

My life goals are continuously changing. Here's a huge update on what's been going on:

I moved to Portland, OR back in February 2013. It has proven continuously to be the best decision I have ever made.

Anyway, I already knew a few people when I moved here (much easier transition than when I moved to FL), and soon found myself in a relationship. Come May 2013, I realized that my running had changed. I was short breathed, tired all of the time, and only wanted to eat sweets. I was never "regular" so I took a test, thinking that I was just stressed out and not really worried about it.. until it came back positive.

I called my best friend sobbing. I had deadlines, I was going to be a single mom, I didn't want kids, etc. She explained to me that I say I don't want kids because of what happened to me previously, that my mind is protecting myself and that I would be a great mother - because she sees how I am with Lexie (my niece, her daughter).

At any rate, I wasn't thinking about keeping the kid (The first thing I said to the doctor was "that due date doesn't work for me.. I have a deadline 2 days before)... but I didn't know what I wanted. Over the span of 3 days, I think I went through every emotion and every possible decision in my head, and while "K" and I made a decision on what was going to happen, my mind was continuously making overturns.

Two or three days after finding out I was 6 weeks pregnant, I was at the casino with my best friend in Portland and I didn't feel right. I was experiencing cramps and general wooziness (which I hadn't really ate much that day, so I didn't think much of it, other than grabbing a granola bar and a sweet drink at the gas station). On the way home, I felt worse and worse.. and when I got home, I realized that nothing was right about how I was feeling. I was paralyzed on my couch, with my doctor saying that because I was at 6 weeks, there was nothing they could do and that I should "ride it out" and told me what to watch for.. and if I wasn't feeling better in 48 hours to come in and they would do what they do.

Happy Memorial Day to me, right?

I felt so much guilt, so much sadness.. and so much relief. And, I think this is the first time I've told anyone but a few select people.. on a blog. But it works into my story, so I am fine with sharing.

At any rate, I felt myself spiraling down to the point of where my depression was back and rearing its ugly head. I had made negotiations with one of my doctors that I would work out in exchange for not being on meds anymore, as they made me feel not like myself. I knew that I needed to get back into that in order to return to me.

This blog is changing directions for the most part. Originally, it was designed to help me understand and figure out where things were going wrong in my life, and to detail the hilarious encounters I was experiencing as a single girl. But now, in addition to all that, I'm going to be documenting my life. From fitness to work to having fun. Enjoy! :)