Sooo.. I really suck at this updating thing.
I've been on vacation all week, and it hasn't really been too exciting.
JG - JG and I had talked for a while, and decided Sunday that we were going to hang out after he got off work that night and I was done with friends (We had gone to the Riverside Luminaries). We decide that a night of playing board games, watching Friends, etc was going to be a fun night. We started off playing memory - which he kicked my ass in. Then we played jenga, uno, and friends trivia... all of which I won. I think he got tired of losing so much to me, so we picked a movie to watch and settled in to watch it. By this point it was like 3 AM or so, but we made it through the movie. After it was over, we bickered back and forth because I was swearing up and down that one of the dental patients in the movie was one of the guys off of a TV show that I love. We went back and forth for a while, which turned into him kissing me... possibly to get me to shut up. This turned into us making out until about 6:30 AM, at which time he asked me if I wanted to stay or if I wanted to go.. I gave him the choice and he said I should just stay, it was getting late... so we went to bed fully clothed (making out some more). I left about 9 AM, and he was sound asleep. At any rate, what I don't understand is that we had a great time (my face hurt from laughing so much), he kissed me, he kept talking about "next time..." but I haven't heard from him since Monday. Hm.
T- So Thursday, I got a surprise text from a guy I had gone out with two weeks ago. I assumed that two weeks ago, it was done. He didn't look at me once (that I could tell) when he talked, etc. So I had deleted his number out of my phone and considered it done. Well, we hung out Thursday night again... talking the entire time and falling asleep. He had been rough housing with his dog and ended up sliding into a cabinet in his house and broke his pinky toe. He told me all about how he rebroke it and reset it without thinking, and how the doctors on base don't know what they're doing, etc. Any way, we had a nice time... but I have no idea what it means.
I'm pretty sure that I'm self sabotaging the ones I like and the ones that I think are done aren't really... I don't know. I don't get it. Ugh.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
And it begins...
So, I decided after this past weekend that I need to keep a toll on the dates I go on, "relationships" (which I tend to call whatevers) failing, etc... so I can kind of look back and see a trend.
As a first blog, I thought only fair to update based on the last few guys I have gone out with recently to give a basis for my "WTF!" dating.
So, to start off the story, I'm divorced as of recently, but separated for almost two years before the big D. My ex cheated on me.. which could and probably does explain a lot of my issues. I haven't dated in almost 8 years, which again.. could explain everything.
Okay, so here we go:
C: I met "C" on a dating site not long after Valentines Day. We met at Applebees and really hit it off. His wife had an affair also, only he had a 4 year old involved. C and I became awesome friends, going out for drinks, dinner, just hanging out, etc. He was the one person that I could tell "I had the most horrible day!" and he would whisk me away to Joe's for drinks and a walk on the beach. Fail proof way to make you feel better, by the way. At any rate, I finally met his son "J", and grew attached. I was his go to person when he was fighting for custody and going through his divorce.. he took me to the airport, and I assumed he was getting attached too. He took me to the airport for a trip home in July and my friend and I talked about how I should tell him how I feel before it's too late... so when my ex and I had a horrible fight while I was home, he talked me down - calling me perfect, any guy would be lucky to have me, etc. I decided I would do it... then I learned later that day or the next that he had met someone else via facebook. And... I cried. I think my best friend worried about me when I realized it was over, but she still encouraged me to tell him. When I got back to Florida, I told him when he picked me up at midnight from the airport. He told me I didn't want him, etc. At any rate, to make an extremely long story short, he moved very fast with this other girl and left me in the wind. The night I filed for divorce, we had made plans to just chill and talk.. but he ditched me. A week or so later, I finally tracked him down to get my key back (he took care of my cats while I was out of town)... and we fought. When I got home, he had defriended me on facebook and I realized that he never had a clue why I was so upset with him. And... we haven't talked since. (FYI: I was upset because I was there for him every step of the way with his divorce and custody case... when it was my turn, he was nowhere to be found)
J: I met "J" a couple of weeks after "C" and I had dissolved. I had joined the meetup website in an attempt to finally make friends in Florida, and the social group I had joined was sponsoring a lock and key event, where all of the guys get keys and all of the girls get locks.. and the goal is to see how many unlocks you can get, while also socializing and getting to know others. J and I hit it off instantly. The entire night we kept straying back to each other, and at the end of the night he decided he wanted to see me again. We decided we wanted to keep talking (it was only maybe 9 PM), so we drove back to my place, dropped off my car, and went to dinner on the water. We talked for what seemed like hours, realized we had so much in common with each other.. and left again together (well, obviously. he drove, right?). We decided that we were going to watch a movie, and talk more, so we went back to his place and fell asleep. That's right. Fell asleep. The next morning was a Sunday... he got up and went to church and left me sleeping while he was gone. Once he got home, he packed up a bag so he could travel right after dropping me off (his job requires a lot of it), then he took me home. We saw each other a couple of times after that night, and the last time it was just the two of us, he made me promise that we would only be friends - because he was still hurting from his marriage ending, he thought he would be too vulnerable. So... we went our separate ways for the most part. We still see each other from time to time.. with one of our groups, we are actually going zip lining Saturday.
A: Aww "A". I met A on a dating site also. He got me, my train of thought, and could throw sarcastic comments just as fast as I could dish them. Our first official date was an amazing night. We laughed and had non stop conversations the entire evening. We made plans for the next night, which ended up being us going to the bar at the end of my street and talking/laughing/drinking there the entire evening. Needless to say, neither of us were in any shape to drive, so he stayed the night at my place. We got up late (noonish), and we went and got lunch.. and just hung out for the afternoon. Late in the afternoon, he went home to shower/change clothes/help his roommate with something and then came back for the evening. That was the start of my smiling.. he would send me texts every morning at 7:15 (wake up.. inside joke), and we would just talk all the time, learning as much as we could about each other. My birthday rolled around, and it's always a hard day every year - 9/11. I'm funny when it comes to my birthday.. I don't like watching live TV and I don't like listening to the radio. My birthday this year was opening day of football, and A was a huge football fan. He gave up opening day for me, making dinner for me, and just celebrating my birthday. The next night, he came over to watch football and again made dinner for the two of us. And the next night.. and the next night. Around this time, A started coming down with seemed to be a cold.. and I was going out of town to Tampa to visit friends for the weekend. Before I left town, Anthony had decided for his birthday he was taking off work and heading to Key West for the weekend (a month after my birthday). He asked me to go, and I got the time off work, etc. Well, at this point things started to change. Anthony and his office manager were passing some sort of flu/cold back and forth to each other, so he was sick for the next two weeks. October 1, he finally got out and came over to see me. We ordered pizza and had a great evening together. When he left, he finally kissed me saying, "there. now you can get sick too." (he would only kiss me on the cheek or forehead because he was worried about it). After that, he started working crazy hours from being off work for two weeks essentially, and I heard from him less and less. Two weeks later, we were talking the Key West trip, and it was the day before we were supposed to go. He told me then that he could no longer go and was bummed because he had prepaid for things and was out that money. Again, the conversations became less and less.. and one night while drunk at a charity event, I texted him asking if I did something wrong. He texted me back the next morning saying that he was sorry.. he was just under a lot of stress... and that was the last I heard from him. To this day... that "whatever" is probably the most baffling as to why or how it ended.
M: M was a unique case. We met online and talked endlessly for hours at a time. He was a sailor and separated from his wife.. but due to his circumstances, he was just living in his three year old daughter's bedroom. M was deploying to Japan at the end of the year, and couldn't justify finding a new place to live until then. With M, I fell into the trap of hearing and wanting all the things he said. I fell into an instant state of lust when we finally got together. We saw each other twice, the first time we fell asleep watching a movie (bad habit of mine.. I get comfy and I am out like a light), and the second he left early due to fighting with his ex. From what I could gather, they were fighting over his daughter, which is the one thing I told him I didn't want to interfere in before he left... so we only saw each other when she went to sleep. At any rate, the next morning I texted him to make sure that he was okay - because he was not happy at all when he left. The response was not one I expected. He basically told me that he is leaving his daughter for two years and needs to spend time with her, and that he was going to start dating when his divorce was final, and that he hoped i slept okay. Um, what? At first, I was really angry. I was so hurt/upset/angry that I didn't get out of bed until the afternoon. But as time has gone on.. I miss talking to him/hearing from him, but maybe it was for the best. Clearly, he wasn't ready to move on, and with him leaving for Japan, it just would have hurt worse as time moved on.
At any rate, those are the impacts to leave me wondering what in the world I did. I decided that going forward, I want to keep track.. so bear with me! However, my life tends to take hilarious turns.. so odds are this just won't be about dating.
Alright... ready... set... let's go!
As a first blog, I thought only fair to update based on the last few guys I have gone out with recently to give a basis for my "WTF!" dating.
So, to start off the story, I'm divorced as of recently, but separated for almost two years before the big D. My ex cheated on me.. which could and probably does explain a lot of my issues. I haven't dated in almost 8 years, which again.. could explain everything.
Okay, so here we go:
C: I met "C" on a dating site not long after Valentines Day. We met at Applebees and really hit it off. His wife had an affair also, only he had a 4 year old involved. C and I became awesome friends, going out for drinks, dinner, just hanging out, etc. He was the one person that I could tell "I had the most horrible day!" and he would whisk me away to Joe's for drinks and a walk on the beach. Fail proof way to make you feel better, by the way. At any rate, I finally met his son "J", and grew attached. I was his go to person when he was fighting for custody and going through his divorce.. he took me to the airport, and I assumed he was getting attached too. He took me to the airport for a trip home in July and my friend and I talked about how I should tell him how I feel before it's too late... so when my ex and I had a horrible fight while I was home, he talked me down - calling me perfect, any guy would be lucky to have me, etc. I decided I would do it... then I learned later that day or the next that he had met someone else via facebook. And... I cried. I think my best friend worried about me when I realized it was over, but she still encouraged me to tell him. When I got back to Florida, I told him when he picked me up at midnight from the airport. He told me I didn't want him, etc. At any rate, to make an extremely long story short, he moved very fast with this other girl and left me in the wind. The night I filed for divorce, we had made plans to just chill and talk.. but he ditched me. A week or so later, I finally tracked him down to get my key back (he took care of my cats while I was out of town)... and we fought. When I got home, he had defriended me on facebook and I realized that he never had a clue why I was so upset with him. And... we haven't talked since. (FYI: I was upset because I was there for him every step of the way with his divorce and custody case... when it was my turn, he was nowhere to be found)
J: I met "J" a couple of weeks after "C" and I had dissolved. I had joined the meetup website in an attempt to finally make friends in Florida, and the social group I had joined was sponsoring a lock and key event, where all of the guys get keys and all of the girls get locks.. and the goal is to see how many unlocks you can get, while also socializing and getting to know others. J and I hit it off instantly. The entire night we kept straying back to each other, and at the end of the night he decided he wanted to see me again. We decided we wanted to keep talking (it was only maybe 9 PM), so we drove back to my place, dropped off my car, and went to dinner on the water. We talked for what seemed like hours, realized we had so much in common with each other.. and left again together (well, obviously. he drove, right?). We decided that we were going to watch a movie, and talk more, so we went back to his place and fell asleep. That's right. Fell asleep. The next morning was a Sunday... he got up and went to church and left me sleeping while he was gone. Once he got home, he packed up a bag so he could travel right after dropping me off (his job requires a lot of it), then he took me home. We saw each other a couple of times after that night, and the last time it was just the two of us, he made me promise that we would only be friends - because he was still hurting from his marriage ending, he thought he would be too vulnerable. So... we went our separate ways for the most part. We still see each other from time to time.. with one of our groups, we are actually going zip lining Saturday.
A: Aww "A". I met A on a dating site also. He got me, my train of thought, and could throw sarcastic comments just as fast as I could dish them. Our first official date was an amazing night. We laughed and had non stop conversations the entire evening. We made plans for the next night, which ended up being us going to the bar at the end of my street and talking/laughing/drinking there the entire evening. Needless to say, neither of us were in any shape to drive, so he stayed the night at my place. We got up late (noonish), and we went and got lunch.. and just hung out for the afternoon. Late in the afternoon, he went home to shower/change clothes/help his roommate with something and then came back for the evening. That was the start of my smiling.. he would send me texts every morning at 7:15 (wake up.. inside joke), and we would just talk all the time, learning as much as we could about each other. My birthday rolled around, and it's always a hard day every year - 9/11. I'm funny when it comes to my birthday.. I don't like watching live TV and I don't like listening to the radio. My birthday this year was opening day of football, and A was a huge football fan. He gave up opening day for me, making dinner for me, and just celebrating my birthday. The next night, he came over to watch football and again made dinner for the two of us. And the next night.. and the next night. Around this time, A started coming down with seemed to be a cold.. and I was going out of town to Tampa to visit friends for the weekend. Before I left town, Anthony had decided for his birthday he was taking off work and heading to Key West for the weekend (a month after my birthday). He asked me to go, and I got the time off work, etc. Well, at this point things started to change. Anthony and his office manager were passing some sort of flu/cold back and forth to each other, so he was sick for the next two weeks. October 1, he finally got out and came over to see me. We ordered pizza and had a great evening together. When he left, he finally kissed me saying, "there. now you can get sick too." (he would only kiss me on the cheek or forehead because he was worried about it). After that, he started working crazy hours from being off work for two weeks essentially, and I heard from him less and less. Two weeks later, we were talking the Key West trip, and it was the day before we were supposed to go. He told me then that he could no longer go and was bummed because he had prepaid for things and was out that money. Again, the conversations became less and less.. and one night while drunk at a charity event, I texted him asking if I did something wrong. He texted me back the next morning saying that he was sorry.. he was just under a lot of stress... and that was the last I heard from him. To this day... that "whatever" is probably the most baffling as to why or how it ended.
M: M was a unique case. We met online and talked endlessly for hours at a time. He was a sailor and separated from his wife.. but due to his circumstances, he was just living in his three year old daughter's bedroom. M was deploying to Japan at the end of the year, and couldn't justify finding a new place to live until then. With M, I fell into the trap of hearing and wanting all the things he said. I fell into an instant state of lust when we finally got together. We saw each other twice, the first time we fell asleep watching a movie (bad habit of mine.. I get comfy and I am out like a light), and the second he left early due to fighting with his ex. From what I could gather, they were fighting over his daughter, which is the one thing I told him I didn't want to interfere in before he left... so we only saw each other when she went to sleep. At any rate, the next morning I texted him to make sure that he was okay - because he was not happy at all when he left. The response was not one I expected. He basically told me that he is leaving his daughter for two years and needs to spend time with her, and that he was going to start dating when his divorce was final, and that he hoped i slept okay. Um, what? At first, I was really angry. I was so hurt/upset/angry that I didn't get out of bed until the afternoon. But as time has gone on.. I miss talking to him/hearing from him, but maybe it was for the best. Clearly, he wasn't ready to move on, and with him leaving for Japan, it just would have hurt worse as time moved on.
At any rate, those are the impacts to leave me wondering what in the world I did. I decided that going forward, I want to keep track.. so bear with me! However, my life tends to take hilarious turns.. so odds are this just won't be about dating.
Alright... ready... set... let's go!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Here we go...
((I wrote this as the first post to kind of introduce myself... and so if anyone actually reads this, they understand))
I could use this first post to talk about my life for the past year, but at this point it's not even worth it to talk about anymore. I was wronged in a way that no one ever should be. And we'll leave it at that. I want to talk about my process of healing, where I am today, where I'm going, etc. Some will be about my life in the past year, but to only show where I started.
One year ago, or rather 14 months ago, I very seriously contemplated ending myself. I was in a horrible place in my life. I couldn't see any reason for me to move forward, and my life had abruptly ended as I knew it. Someone else was in my place... what was the point of me?
At this point in the year last year, I was starting to get panicked because I had two tickets to Ireland, and I didn't want to go alone. Painful reminders were everywhere around me, and I really didn't need to shoot across a giant patch of water for more. Luckily, I had two awesome friends that said they were driving me to the airport, and that they were going to leave me so I had no choice but to go through security. Hell, I think that Kristin even texted me later just to verify I was sitting at the gate waiting for the plane.
I'm forever happy that I had those friends to force me to go through with the plane because not only would I have been wasting my ticket, but I wouldn't have gotten to meet two of the most wonderful people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.
I could use this first post to talk about my life for the past year, but at this point it's not even worth it to talk about anymore. I was wronged in a way that no one ever should be. And we'll leave it at that. I want to talk about my process of healing, where I am today, where I'm going, etc. Some will be about my life in the past year, but to only show where I started.
One year ago, or rather 14 months ago, I very seriously contemplated ending myself. I was in a horrible place in my life. I couldn't see any reason for me to move forward, and my life had abruptly ended as I knew it. Someone else was in my place... what was the point of me?
At this point in the year last year, I was starting to get panicked because I had two tickets to Ireland, and I didn't want to go alone. Painful reminders were everywhere around me, and I really didn't need to shoot across a giant patch of water for more. Luckily, I had two awesome friends that said they were driving me to the airport, and that they were going to leave me so I had no choice but to go through security. Hell, I think that Kristin even texted me later just to verify I was sitting at the gate waiting for the plane.
I'm forever happy that I had those friends to force me to go through with the plane because not only would I have been wasting my ticket, but I wouldn't have gotten to meet two of the most wonderful people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.
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